PHOTO JOURNAL: A Day on Film, a Year Later + a Birthday Reflection

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Tomorrow, I'll be a year older. I've always had this idea engraved in my brain that when I reached thirty, life would magically fall into place. Every piece of the puzzle would just align perfectly. Accomplished, skilled and confident. 

 
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Well, I turn THIRTY ONE and if you've been reading this thing for long, you'll know that keeping my shit together is beyond on brand for me. I'm always looking for ways to get to know myself better, to reflect and reconnect. It's what I talk to myself about constantly. It's what I make lists for. 

This past year has been incredibly challenging. The rug was pulled from under me with many changes, unannounced. Hurricanes, creative blocks, anxiety, moves, work... you name it. It's been a year of growth, of knowing myself to a deeper level I ever imagined. With that comes a lot of responsibility. Once you get to know what you really want out of life, the real challenge begins. 

 
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Last year, I brought a shitty disposable camera to a birthday road trip with a couple of close friends. The idea was that I would develop these a year later. Reminisce about the type of person I was then. I never thought that a month later I'd be so far away from the people who inspired me creatively. People who, in a drop of a hat, would take the time out of their weekend to simply hang out on top of a mountain. I never thought I wouldn't be able to grab a car and go on a long drive whenever my head had too many thoughts. I never thought I would miss the smell of the grass right after it rains. The ease of calling someone up for coffee and seeing them thirty minutes later. 

 
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But, even with all the missing... I am a better version of myself a year later. They say that once you reach thirty you start giving less shits. I can say for a fact that it's been easier to calm myself down lately. I know what I want, I know what it takes to make it happen and it's completely up to me to block out the negativity and, quite literally, carry on. It feels easier to speak my mind without overthinking the consequences. "You ain't got time for that", is a thought just hovering over my head every day. 

 
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Now, the wrinkles on my forehead are having a harder time. All of last night I couldn't stop look at the Sephora app on my phone. I've added five different eye potions to my cart with the intention to check out at midnight. Officially bringing in the new birth year with wrinkle fear. Which brings me to... 

does giving less shits about life NEED to translate into giving less shits about aging? 

 
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